Keeping Yourself Going During a Job Hunt

by Kate Wendleton

"I ca'n't explain myself,
I'm afraid, Sir," said Alice,
"because I'm not myself, you see."
"I don't see," said the Caterpillar.
Lewis Carroll
They're all doing terrific! You're not. You're barely hanging on. You used to be a winner, but now you're not so sure. How can you pull yourself out of this?

I've felt like that.

Everyone in New York had a job except me. I would never work again. I was ruining interviews though I knew better--I had run The Five O'Clock Club for years in Philadelphia. Yet I was unable to job hunt properly. I was relatively new to New York and divorced. My country house depressed me: a woman wanted me to sell it, join her cult, and have a 71-year-old as my roommate. It seemed to be my fate.

Then I got a call from my father--a hurricane was about to hit New York. When I told him my situation, he directed me to get rid of the cult lady and take the next train out. I got out just as the hurricane blew in, and he and I spent three beautiful days alone at my parents' ocean place. He nurtured me, including playing ten! motivational tapes on "being a winner."

The winners in life think constantly in terms of
I can, I will and I am.
Losers, on the other hand,
concentrate their waking thoughts
on what they should have or would have done,
or what they can't do.
Dr. Dennis Waitley, The Psychology of Winning
He wined and dined and took care of me. We watched a six-hour tape of my family history--the births and birthdays, Christmases past, marriages and parties. We talked about life and the big picture. I had no strength. He nurtured me and gave me strength.

What can you do if you can't get this kind of nurturing? Perhaps I've learned a few lessons that may help you.

There seem to be phases and cycles
in a job hunt--there is the initial rush,
the long haul, the drought,
followed by the first poor job offer
and the later better offers.
1. Put things in perspective.

A depressing and difficult passage
has prefaced every new page
I have turned in life.
Charlotte Bronte
You've worked ten or 20 years, and you'll work ten or 20 more. In the grand scheme of things, this moment will be a blip: an aberration in the past.

Focusing on the present will make you depressed, and will also make you a poor interviewee. You will find it difficult to brag about your past or see the future. You will provide too much information about what put you in this situation. Interviewers don't care.

They want to hear what you can do for them. When they ask why you are looking, give a brief, light, logical explanation, and then drop it.

Focus on what you have done in the past, and what you can do in the future. You do have a future, you know--ten or 20 years for sure--though you may feel locked in. Even some young people say it is too late for them. But a lot can happen in ten years--and most of what happens is up to you.

2. Get support.

Woe to him that is alone when he falleth,
for he hath not another to help him up.
The Wisdom of Solomon-Apocrypha
Gone are the old support systems: Extended families, or even the nuclear families are gone. And we no longer look to our community for support. Today, we're more alone: we're supposed to be tougher and take care of ourselves. But relying solely on yourself is not the answer. How can you fill yourself up when you are emotionally and spiritually empty?

Job hunters often need some kind of emotional and spiritual support because this is a trying time. Our egos are at stake. We feel vulnerable and uncared for. We need realistic support from people who know what we are going through.

There is no such thing as a self-made man.
I've had much help and have found
that if you are willing to work,
many people are willing to help you.
O.Wayne Rollins

• Join a job hunting support group to be with others who know what you're going through. Many churches have Job Hunt Groups open to anyone, or you can look in The Wall St. Journal National Business and Employment Weekly for listings of Job Hunt Clubs. During a later job hunt when I was employed, I reported my progress weekly to The Five O'Clock Club I formed in New York. It kept me going.
  
  Statistics show that job hunters with regular career counseling support get jobs faster and at higher rates of pay. A job hunt group gives emotional support, concrete advice and feedback. Often, however, that is not enough for those who are at their lowest.
  
  

The more lasting a man's ultimate work,
the more sure he is to pass through a time,
and perhaps a very long one,
in which there seems to be
very little hope for him.
Samuel Butler

• If possible, rely on your friends and family. I could count on a call from my former husband most mornings after I returned from breakfast--just to make sure I was really job hunting. I scheduled lunches with friends and gave them an honest report or practiced my lines with them.
  
  
• Don't abuse your relationships by relying on one or two people. Find lots of sources of support. Consider joining a Church or Synagogue. They're supposed to be nice to you.

3. Remember that this is part of a bigger picture.

We, ignorant of ourselves,
Beg often our own harms,
Which the Wise Power
Denies us for our own good;
so we find profit by losing of our prayers.
Shakespeare: Antony & Cleopatra

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You are a child of the universe no less
than the trees and the stars; you have a
right to be here. And whether or not it is
clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should.
Max Ehrmann
Why me? Why now? Shakespeare thought there might be someone bigger than ourselves watching over everything--a Wise Power. My mother (and probably yours too) always said that "everything happens for the best".

We know that in all things
God works for the good
of those who love Him.
Romans 8:28
If you believe that things happen for a purpose, think about the good in your own situation. What was the "purpose" of my unemployment? Because of it:

• I experienced a closeness with my father that still affects me,
  
• I became a better counselor, and
  
• I stopped working 12-hour days.

Though shattered when they lose their jobs, many say in retrospect it was the best thing that could have happened to them. Some say it was the most rewarding experience of their lives.

Every adversity has the seed of an
equivalent or greater benefit.
W. Clement Stone
Perhaps you too can you learn from this experience and also make some sense of it. This is a time when people often:

• decide what they really should be doing with their careers--I had resisted full-time counseling because I liked the prestige of the jobs I had held.
  
• better their situations, taking off on another upward drive in their careers.
  
• develop their personalities; learn skills that will last their entire lives.
  
• re-examine their values and decide what is now important to them.

For what shall it profit a man,
if he shall gain the whole world,
and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The trouble with the rat race
is that if you win, you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
4. Continue to do your job.
When you were in your old job, there were days you didn't feel like doing it, but you did it anyway because it was your responsibility. Job hunting is your job right now. Some days you don't feel like doing it, but you must. Make a phone call. Write a proposal. Research a company. Do your best every day. No matter how you feel. And somehow it gets done, as any job gets done. Some practical suggestions:

• Job hunting is your job. Make it professional. Organize it. Get a job hunt calendar to track what you are doing. Use the Five O'Clock Club's Interview Record to more professionally track your efforts and results.
  
  
• Set Goals. Don't think whether or not you want to make calls and write letters. Of course you don't. Just do them anyway. Spend most of your time interviewing--that's how you get a job.
  
  Depression leads to Inactivity leads to Depression
  
• If you're at the three-month mark or beyond, you may be at a low point. It's hard to push on. Get a fresh start. Pretend you're starting all over again.
  
  
• Finding a job is your responsibility. Don't depend on anyone else (search firms, friends) to find it for you.
  
  
• Watch your drinking, eating, smoking. They can get out of hand.
  
  
• Take care of yourself physically. Get dressed. Look good. Get some exercise. Eat healthy foods. You may need a few days off to recharge.
  
  
• Don't postpone having fun until you get a job. If you are unemployed, schedule at least three hours of fun a week. Do something you normally are unable to do when you are working. I went out to breakfast every morning, indulged in reading the Times, and then went back to my apartment to job hunt. I also went to the auction houses, and bought a beautiful desk at Sotheby's when I sold the country house.
  
  
• Assess your financial situation. What is your backup plan if this goes on for a certain number of months? If need be, I had to plan to take in a room-mate, sell furniture, and take out a loan. It was not necessary, but I knew I would not wind up on the street.
  
  
• Remember: you are distracted. Job hunters get mugged, walk into walls, lose things. This is not an ordinary situation and extraordinary things happen. Be on your guard.
  
  
• Observe the results of what you do in a job hunt. Results are indicators of the correctness of your actions and can help refine your techniques.
  
  

In nature there are neither
rewards nor punishments--
there are consequences.
Robert Green Ingersoll

• Become a good job hunter so you can compete in this market. It takes practice, but the better you are, the less anxious you will be.

Finally, two sayings especially helped me when I was unemployed:

You don't get what you want.
You get what you need.
and
When God closes a door,
He opens a window.

Good luck.--Kate

All's well that ends well. Shakespeare--title
The preceding is an excerpt from The Five O'Clock Club Book Series by Kate Wendleton. The Five O'Clock Club, Forty-Year Vision and Seven Stories Exercise are registered trademarks of The Five O'Clock Club, Inc.