Getting Feedback From Others 
 

The most important finding my study yielded was: The men who were introspective, who valued their logic and intuition, were happier and more self-confident than their less introspective counterparts and better able to deal with the stresses of life.

However, those who appeared outwardly successful, but ignored their inner life, were often confused, empty, or discontented, which resulted in their feeling overwhelmed or depressed and caused them to run from their problems.
-Jan Halper, Ph.D.,
Quiet Desperation—The Truth about Successful Men

D id you know that the highest-performing executives are the most self-aware and are most aware of the impact they have on others?  Yet 80 percent of all managers think they are self-aware and think they know how they come across. Statistically, most of these managers are wrong.  So even if they are promoted, they will probably eventually get derailed.

You cannot expect direct, honest feedback from your bosses about how you are doing on the job. It’s a fact: “Five out of seven executives and managers prefer to lie to an employee about his or her performance rather than to give constructive criticism.” (Quiet Desperation—The Truth About Successful Men by Jan Halper, Ph.D.)

Even so, you can make yourself more like the high-performers by increasing your personal self-awareness.

One thing you can do immediately is assess all of your work-related relationships—loosely defined as relationships with those who affect your performance and livelihood. Make a list of:

· your bosses—those above you. This certainly includes your immediate supervisors and their bosses. But “bosses” could also include those in other departments, management in other organizations that are customers of your organization, and those more senior to you who can refer business to you.

· all your peers. You may have to figure out who your peers really are. They may be in other geographic areas, other divisions, and even in other organizations. But you work with them on a peer level.

· your subordinates—those below you. This means both direct and indirect reports. The group can even include the person at the local copy shop, the secretary of some of your bosses, receptionists, and others with whom you may (or may not) interact.

· your “clients.” Again, these may be inside or outside your organization. They are the people using your service.

Most people wind up with a list of 8 or 10 bosses, 10 to 12 peers, and 4 to many more subordinates. Assess your relationship with each of these people. Decide which ones you should do something about immediately. Then develop a long-term plan for assessing and doing something about your relationship with each person.

You may need to develop methods and procedures for keeping your boss(es) better informed, building stronger ties with your peers, keeping your staff more up-to-date, and paying attention to your clients. If you think you can ignore your boss while doing a great job for your clients, you are wrong. 

Ask yourself how well aware you are of the way you come across to each of these people. To make yourself more objective, put yourself in your boss’s shoes. What would your boss say about your performance and your relationship with each of your peers?  If you are ignoring certain peers because you think they are stupid, think again. Ignoring them may not be your smartest response. What would your boss rather have you do about your stupid peers? Think about it, and get rid of the ways you may be causing problems for your boss.

Why You Should Pay Attention to Your Work-Related Relationships

1. Getting work done in the new corporate environment now often depends more on influencing others (even your subordinates) than on formally directing them. 

2. Corporations are changing so quickly that an exec can be blindsided if he or she is not plugged in to what’s happening. The corporation could be heading in a new direction while the exec is following the old one. Often these changes in direction are informal and unannounced—no one will officially say that things have changed. Or it will be said almost in passing. The exec is expected to “catch on” by osmosis. If not, he or she is labeled “out of step.”

3. You never know who can do you in—your bosses, peers, subordinates, or “clients.” 

Increasing Your Self-Knowledge
Through Self-Assessment

You have already analyzed yourself through the Seven Stories, the Forty-Year Vision, and other exercises. In a methodical way, you have learned what many already know about themselves but have not learned to articulate. These exercises helped you discover:

 •  Your skills, as seen through your life experiences;  those things you did well and found especially satisfying. This helps increase your knowledge of situations you will be good at, or where there is a skill match or “fit.”

 •  interests/subject-matter knowledge

 •  job-related values

 •  job-related satisfiers/dissatisfiers

 •  relationships with bosses.

If you happen to be attending The Five O’Clock Club or working privately with one of our career counselors, that experience can also provide you with some valuable feedback. However, you must still increase your level of knowledge and awareness by gathering information directly from bosses, peers, and subordinates. Then you can take corrective action.

Getting Feedback From Others
—the Exercise

This outside source of information is critical. The feedback is gathered from people selected by you. When you combine it with your self-assessment results, you wind up with a realistic and thorough picture of your skills, strengths, and style—and areas for improvement.

1. Select five people whom you think know you well in the work situation. These may be either inside or outside the organization. It is best if you select a mix of bosses, peers, and subordinates so you can get feedback on your likely problems and issues.    

2. Call each person and say something such as: “I am participating in a career development program, and I would like your feedback. I have selected five people who I think know me well from a work point-of-view,  and you are one of them. I hope you will be honest, because the information I will be getting will help me in my career planning.”

Then say either:

“I will send you a sheet with five questions, which I would appreciate your answering. You will also receive a stamped, self-addressed envelope so you can mail your responses back to me. But the questionnaire will not have your name on it, so I will not be able to tell who said what.”

Or, if you are having a career counselor make calls on your behalf, you would say instead: “Please be open with the career counselor who will be calling you.”

The counselor will call each participant and ask the same five questions:

1.  Could you describe in general what you think of John/Jane from a work point-of-view?

2.  What do you see as his/her most important strengths?

3.  What do you see as his/her downsides or limitations or things that could hold him/her back, whether or not you think he/she would choose to change them?

4.  If you could think of the ideal job for John/Jane, what would it be or what would it be like?

5.  If you had one piece of career advice to give John/Jane, what would that be?

To keep the feedback even more confidential, the counselor can combine all the responses before feeding them back to you.

If you decide to do it by sending a questionnaire to each person, simply use the form on the next page, and sign your name. You will notice that there is more room for the person to answer question 3, which solicits opinions about your limitations. Don’t be alarmed: Suggestions for improvement usually take longer to describe than simply stating your positives.

Selecting the Participants

You want a balanced assessment of how you come across to people. Therefore, if your present work situation is unhappy, and everyone dislikes you, and this is unusual for you, do not select those people.

Instead, select five people who you feel know you well from a work point-of-view. This means you have worked closely with each of them over a number of years. Make sure you include in the mix at least one boss, one peer and one subordinate. Then select two others.

The Result of Feedback

After doing this, you will have a good idea of your strengths and weaknesses and a clear picture of how you are viewed by others. 

You may uncover problems you need to address. You may do this alone or with the help of a career counselor.

Optional: Working With a Career Counselor

If you decide to work with a career counselor, it may take several months, depending on the issues you want to cover. After you have shown the counselor the feedback you have received, the coaching may include the following:

1.  Your regular reporting of what is going on at your job.

2.  The development of a strategy for handling whatever problems exist.

3.  Role-playing with the counselor to prepare you for discussions you may have with bosses, peers, or subordinates.

4.  The development of strategies for how you can better manage your job, work, time, communications—or whatever situations may arise.

5.  Intermittent scheduled follow-up sessions to assess your continuing success with incorporating all that you have learned.

Open, honest feedback can help you determine whether or not there is consistency between your perceptions of yourself and the perceptions of others. If there is a gap, you can close it and be more like the high-performing executives. Simply make five copies of the form on the next page. Good luck!

A state without the means of some change is without the means of its conservation.
Edmund Burke, Reflections on the Revolution in France, 1790

I appreciate your help in giving me feedback that will help me with my career. I have selected approximately five people who I think know me well from a work point-of-view. I sincerely value your feedback. Please return to me the enclosed stamped, self-addressed envelope. Since this sheet does not have your name on it, your responses will be confidential: I will not be able to tell who said what. To be more sure of confidentiality, you may want to type this on a separate sheet.
      Thank you for your time.
 (Signed)

1.  Describe in general what you think of me from a work point-of-view. 

2.  What do you see as my most important strengths? 

3.  What do you see as my downsides or limitations or things that could hold me back, whether or not you think I would choose to change them? 

4.  If you could think of the ideal job for me, what would it be or what would it be like? 

5.  If you had one piece of career advice to give me, what would that be?