It Matters How You Shake It

By Ronna Archbold

Handshaking is an ancient ritual. It is reported as long ago as 2800 B.C. in Egypt. According to historian Charles Panati, folklore places the handshake even earlier and speculates that because the right hand is the weapon hand, presenting it open and without a sword came to be seen as a sign of peace and acceptance. Though archaic in origin, the handshake is still the accepted form of greeting in our society in modern times. In both social and business situations, the handshake is important.

In the work world, it is a great way to network, get acquainted, and get hired. A CEO of a Fortune 500 company told me that once when he had to choose between two candidates with similar qualifications, he gave the position to the candidate with the better handshake. Body language is a major factor when we make judgments about a person. And there is no gesture so underestimated as the handshake. In the business arena, this first approach to conversation and connection is critical. It is valuable to learn and practice how to extend and receive a good handshake. It should become an indispensable part of our business style.

Let's reminisce about the handshakes we have experienced. I have counted five basic types. Perhaps you can think of others. First, there is the Knuckle Cruncher. This type of person is earnest but nervous. While meaning to convey warmth through a tight grip of your hand, he or she only succeeds in causing you pain. The impression created is definitely that of a person who lacks sensitivity. (The situation is exacerbated if you're wearing a ring on your right hand.)

Then there is the opposite problem--the Dead Fish Handshaker, who places a limp, lifeless hand in yours. While the Knuckle Cruncher hurts you, at least you feel there is some desire to express a real feeling. But the Dead Fish Handshaker is sending only a negative message. He or she gives the impression of having a lackluster personality. This handshake usually doesn't get the second interview, much less the job.

Another type is the Pumper, who is overly eager but also insecure. This person doesn't know when to quit, almost as if stalling because of not being sure of what to do next. So he or she just keeps on vigorously shaking your hand up and down--and, along with it, your entire arm. You may not feel pain but you certainly feel foolish.

How about the Sanitary Handshaker? This person will barely put three or four fingers in your hand--and then withdraw them quickly, almost as if afraid of catching a dread disease. Such people appear timid and sheepish, to put it mildly.

Finally, there is the Condolence Handshaker. This is the person who comes across as too familiar, clasping your right arm or hand with his or her left hand--and perhaps attempting to hug or even kiss you. This behavior may be appreciated at a funeral, but in the world of business, it comes across as condescending and very inappropriate.

The Condolence Handshaker comes across as too familiar,
clasping your right arm or hand with his or her left hand.
The protocol for handshaking is simple to learn, but it does require refining. Here is what you should do: Walk up to the person you wish to meet. Look into his or her eyes, smile, and extend your hand. Offer a warm, firm, palm-to-palm handshake. It is that simple. Be sure that your weight is equally distributed on both feet and that your handshake is from the elbow. Do not fall into any of the pitfalls just described.

Women are the newcomers to handshaking in the business arena. They tend to offer weak wrists, twisted bodies, and tilted heads. Hold yourself so that you face straight forward. Be confident, interested, kindly, and sincere.

As you proffer your hand to a stranger
or a distant acquaintance, simultaneously say, "My name is..."
As you proffer your hand to a stranger or a distant acquaintance, simultaneously say, "My name is..." (Usually it is best to use both first and last names.) This way you may do away with that awkward moment of the forgotten name. The person being greeted is often relieved at being reminded, and will usually respond by saying his or her own name, which will in turn relieve you. This way everyone is excused from having to say, "I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name." It should be added that there is nothing awfully wrong about admitting that we need a refresher course on each other's names. Still, saying your own name right away is often the least awkward way of gaining the information. Even if the forgotten-name admission becomes necessary, it is more easily accomplished in the midst of a warm handclasp.

It used to be considered courteous for men to wait for women to extend their hand, but that is not the case in business today. Either women or men may initiate the handshake. Also, both men and women should rise to shake hands. Regardless of gender, rising to greet someone is a compliment; it shows energy and eagerness to connect.

Does your hand tend to get clammy in social situations? If so, then use a spray-on underarm deodorant on the palm of your hand before attending a stressful event. The clammy hand is usually only a temporary nervous response. In time you will probably get to the point where you don't experience this reaction. When holding a beverage, keep it in your left hand. This way, not only are your freeing your right hand to be ready for handshaking, but if it's an icy drink, you're also avoiding cold, damp feeling that the glass can give to your hand.

If your right hand or arm is disabled, extend your left hand without hesitation and warmly squeeze the proffered right hand. Do not explain or apologize that you can't shake hands in the traditional manner.

The rewards of learning, practicing, and using this protocol are many. You will most likely notice that people say something like: "Thank you for speaking to me" or "I'm so glad you came over." (It is safe to interpret this to mean that he or she didn't know how to initiate contact and is relieved that you did.)

Once you have mastered the handshake, it will become a normal part of a presentation that will help you gain a lot--a new career or job, new clients, new friends, acquisitions, mergers, and so on. You will be making an incredibly positive impression. You may even find yourself shaking the hand of the great person who is your future spouse!

When you correctly use the protocol for initiating contact, your business opportunities will multiply fast. You will be perceived as a person who is knowledgeable, possesses excellent social skills, and has leadership capabilities. You will make a great first impression. A healthy sense of self-confidence will become your style.

"Any person who has charm and some confidence
can move in and through societies ranging from
the most privileged to the most needy.
Style allows the person to appear neither inferior in one location
nor superior in the other."
--Maya Angelou

An excellent handshake shows your charm and self-confidence. Role-play. Practice until it flows naturally like an automatic reflex. When you develop your handshake, it will become incorporated into your body language and become an integral part of your style.

Ronna Archbold is the electronic publishing sales manager for the East Coast and the federal government for Reed Reference Publishing. Ms Archbold consults, writes, and trains in the field of protocol and sales.